Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This gyro tastes like lonliness
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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