I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Non-Jews are for practice
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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