Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
