I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
