i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
