i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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