This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
