I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
