I think i peed on brittanys purse
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
