Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
