All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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