im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
