dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
