Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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