you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
