I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
