as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
