You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
