o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
