Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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