So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
