already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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