I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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