Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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