And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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