For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
