let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
