after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
