I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
