My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
