the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
