another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I AM VODKA MAN
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
