i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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