i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
