I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
