my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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