Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
