we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
