i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Who died my cat blue again?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
