I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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