the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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