I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
