oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
