Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
