Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My vagina just recognized that song.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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