I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
