I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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