Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
