The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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