look no pants
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
