I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
