So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
