Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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