i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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