I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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