I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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