the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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