Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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