As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
