Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
