Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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