thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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