Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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