i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think i got beer on your cat.
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