Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's always time for handjobs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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