Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
