DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
