My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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