ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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