dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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