What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
