Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
