Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
