I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
