then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
