are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
