No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
