Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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