Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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